Mike calls this morning and leaves a message expressing a wish to get together this afternoon for a couple of hours. But I am too tired and confused. I'm afraid it will morph into a booty call, even if that if that is not his conscious design, and then I will feel... terrible. So I just don't respond for now.
This evening he sends an e-mail: "I miss you, apparently consistently. I did give you my phone number as I recall... I hope you're not having second thoughts about getting involved with me. If that's the case, I hope I've done nothing to hurt you? Or left you feeling taken advantage of in some way? That being said....should I be asking when you've a free Fri or Saturday evening?"
I try to call him. He doesn't pick up so I leave a message saying that although it's too soon to talk about "involvement," I'd like to get to know him better...
And I do find him very attractive; I'm not just hedging my bets here.
So why do I feel so anxious and slightly icky right now?
Confessions of an overweight, (formerly) oversexed, middle aged spinster.
Don't Be Deceived
He's not really sad. He is just working it!
Blog Archive
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2007
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September
(42)
- Mike
- Guido and Becky Meet T.
- Yesterday, when I saw the headline Woman Left In C...
- Ambivalence
- Disappearing Act
- Daydreamin'
- I'm Happy (For A Change)
- Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You...
- A Rose By Any Other Name
- An Evening in Paris
- An Evening With The Gurlz
- Forecast For Rain, Clearing Later
- Close Encounters Of A Third Kind
- Roid Rage?
- How It Went
- A Drink Tonight
- Unemployment
- Period Piece
- Smokin'
- They All Look The Same
- It's A Small World After All
- Dear Diary...
- My Poor Tits Redux
- Foreigners Say the Darnedest Things
- Oh For Pete's Sake (Disgusting Rant)
- Diet Blogs Redux
- Ray Rivas Redux
- The Dream Machine
- An Apology
- Stupid Comics
- Plenty Of Fish
- What kind of cake are you?
- Vet Visit
- What kind of puppy are you?
- My Strange Crush on Ray Rivas
- Charles Bukowski Poem
- Putting My Foot Into It
- Evan Breaks My Heart
- Casual Encounters Post du Jour
- And You, Sir, Are No Ben Gazarra!
- My Kinds of Drugs
- Home Sweet Home
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September
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Caveat
- Constance Kent
- Rain City, United States
- This is a personal diary made public. It is not a "diet blog," nor is it a "size acceptance blog." Rather, sometimes it's one and sometimes it's the other. It's as ambivalent and conflict-ridden as its creator. It's also about sexuality, gender, aging and mortality, diabetes, and pets, and a million other issues I wrestle with. I try to be frank, but I also try to protect people, so identities are obscured, including my own. Though probably not enough...
Current Crushes
- Eddy Izzard. Really, we'd be perfect together.
- Queen Latifah. Still!
- Gin Wigmore. Saw her by accident last summer at the winery.
- Joseph Arthur: Although I was shocked to see how tiny he was in person, I treasured the moment he baptised the audience with his water bottle and I was blessed with a few drops.
- Johnny Depp: Makes anything he's in worth watching, even those dumb pirate movies.
- Ewan McGregor: I'm late to discover him probably.
Read / Watched / Heard
- "Winter's Bone" -- The casting, the soundtrack, the character.
- "Against Love: A Polemic" by Laura Kipnis -- So clever and wry, she dazzles me with her wit. Also makes me feel better about not being coupled!
- A ton of recently discovered "fatshionista" blogs.
4 comments:
Maybe you're feeling anxious and slightly icky because you are feeling genuine love and/or affection from 2 people at once who have a romantic interest in you and you maybe feel as though you don't deserve that affection/attention or you've never really had so many choices.
Again, take it slow and easy and be honest with everyone. And for pete's sake, don't have sex!! It will cloud your judgment and make you feel more icky. Keep this in mind -- at some point, due to age or physical limitations, sex will be a non-issue. Make your choice(s), when you make them, based not on how good the sex is, but how you feel in your lover's presence when you aren't making love.
Loving kindness to you, C. I'm rooting for you.
Ugh. No. Don't disregard the sex. Not because you'll (necessarily) be doing it until you're both 90 years, old, but because that's how adults play, and you want to be with someone fun.
Whenever I find myself in this situation, the person who makes me feel icky is never the one I end up with. Just putting that out there!
And whoa, anonymous. You make it sound like a romance between 95 year olds on their death beds. Lack of sexual chemistry is definitely a viable dealbreaker, if you ask me, and it's better to know the score sooner rather than later.
Oh fer pete's sake. C says she has regrets when things get sexual too early. We also know that C is satisfied (or so she says) with the sexual chemistry with both T and M. I'm simply suggesting she take the sex piece of the puzzle off the table for a while and see who she prefers spending non-sexual time with. Adults play in lots of ways, not just sexually. And C knows how well she plays non-sexually with T. She just might want to try that out with M.
Like it or not, at some point sex becomes a moot point. Romance, on the other hand, can be alive and well as long as one has one's mental faculties intact. C, think about who you want to spend time with outside the bedroom. Having read the blog, the answer to me is clear, but perhaps you aren't as transparent as your writing makes you seem.
In any event, loving kindness to you. I'm still rooting for you, C.
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